|Everything and Nothing|
Last night I lay in bed thinking about everything that has happened for the past two years and the weight of it all is immense.
I have contemplated writing a post each and every time I felt as though I had reached some milestone or achieved some personal goal. But I didn’t.
As I look back on some of the posts I have written, I wonder if it was really necessary to have had an opinion about certain things, and in the same breath compared it all to everything that has happened previously and it makes me sad to think I didn’t make time to write something about it.
I’m feeling a couple of things; sadness because I feel like I have let some of you down for not keeping you up-to-date on matters important to me and indifference, because if I really think about it, what have I lost and what have I really gained?
Not many of you know this, but in 2007, I took a break from Facebook for two years. A lot can happen it two years apparently. Back then, I took control of my life and had a realignment. The last two years have been more than that, and yet I didn’t write about it.
I write with a shiver of trepidation in my key strokes because publicly expressing myself used to be such a big part of who I am. Or was it? After this much self-reflection on my seemingly adult life, was it really that important? All those bitchy rants, all those opinions put out there in the name of personal branding. Maybe I just believe in my own brand enough now to not have to market it. I truly don’t know and weirdly, I’m okay with that.
I’m okay with not having all the answers. I’m okay with not having an opinion on absolutely everything. Sure, if you want it, you’re welcome to ask, but I no longer have the urge to give it freely. Freely. That’s the word. I feel more valuable now, somehow more connected to who I really am and what’s important to me in life. Maybe because of that self-worth there is no need to share it with strangers? I don’t know. All I do know is that I no longer feel the need to be involved in absolutely everything I see, read and watch online, in the paper and on TV.
“But you still have your say online, Dave. I read your tweets all the time. You’re very opinionated.”
Oh really? Sh*t. I hadn’t noticed. I suppose that’s a good point when I think about it and sure, I might use Twitter and Facebook to share my thoughts, but I think the way I interact and publish now is very different to how I used to invite people into my world. Because that’s what it is, isn’t it? An invite. So, have I become just a little more private? Probably. Is that maybe all it is? Maybe. Is it a bad thing? I don’t think so. Like I said, I don’t have all the answers.
All I know is that you wouldn’t be hearing very much from me any time soon and if I do happen to blog, it’ll be something related to this, I suppose. Maybe I’ll write something more substantial, like a book? Maybe go back to publication, if they’ll have me (I doubt it). Maybe I’ll focus a little more on my Instagramming skills and not try be so crap at taking photos.
Whatever happens, I want you all to know it’s been real and I have enjoyed our time together. I wish you the best. Even you.