|Everything and Nothing|
What’s there to say about a year already pre-ordained by an ancient civilisation and on top of that, Hollywood – because let’s be honest, you watched that drivel with John Cusack, just admit it.
I’ll be honest with you, there were a few times this year when I wouldn’t have minded if it all came to a screeching halt. I feel like that a lot actually – EASY NOW – I’m not suicidal, just really keen on a miniature reset button. You know, just to take it all back and start again. I guess that’s the problem with life and time in general, I doesn’t wait for anyone. It just seems to me that those keeping up with the true pace of life are exhausted all the time. I tried it. I tried moving on and keeping up with everything around me, it just didn’t pan out the way I had planned. Hind-sight, it’s a wonderful thing because I think if I had carried on attempting to live my life at the rate of change, I probably would have been burnt out by now and the truth is – I haven’t really felt like I needed a holiday at the end of this year. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for it. But I’m still hungry.
My new job this year has afforded me a working lifestyle – let me reiterate that – working lifestyle that has allowed me to experience events, sport, people, business and celebration like never before. Never before have I had a more eventful year (and that includes the personal experiences during and around everything else).
I have been lucky this year and for someone who doesn’t believe in luck, well, I might be starting to see the upside in believing in it if nothing at all.It’s also been a strange one. I have been challenged by things, people and experiences that I thought would not normally challenge me – and I’m grateful for it. I have one or two things that I have been personally investing time and effort in that I feel could be bigger than I originally thought they’d be and I am continuing to explore them into 2013.
Bitter, Christ have I been bitter this year. I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but I can tell you that I have been at the furtherest end of the Bitter-Scale than I have been ever in my life. Ask anyone who’s ever met me in a professional and in a social setting and they’ll tell you that; “Oh Dave? Dave is angry.” and I have continued on that path for most of this year. Maybe it was even a security blanket to fall back on, but when I look back at my year, I was less angry than I have been in previous years.
Now, before you get your hopes up remember – I’m always, like totally angry…and stuff!
On a serious note, I have faced many challenges, this year – both professionally and personally. 2012 has been marred by incredible and horrible decisions, all of which are totally regrettable. Now, I’m not going to list them all, and as easily as I could so that, it seems more appropriate to list the things I have learnt and related back to each of them in my own oblique manner, because well, it’s me.
Never have I learnt the true power and meaning of patience until this year. Let me let you in on a little secret. Patience, my dear, is not the act of simply waiting around for whatever it is you what to happen. Patience is what you use to prepare for whatever may come. I learnt this this year by thinking more about what things were going to look like “down the line”. In other words, I bided my time over the things I really wanted this year and prepared myself for the worst AND the best.
I didn’t love myself this year. I have been careless with my health and well-being and it’s something that I have chosen to focus on in 2013. If you’re expecting me to delve into the romantic side of love, think again. I have always prided myself on privacy and even though I have been private person my whole life – this year I have realised it’s true potential and is an aspect of my life that I’m going to take more seriously in the future. Sounds strange for someone who works in an industry that preaches the value of transparency. Don’t think the two (love and privacy) are related? Think about it…
This is starting to look like a self-help book now. Seriously though, control is a human quality that I have toyed with my entire life and only this year have I seen what it means to actively practise it. I’m an emotional being, a passionate one at that and most of the time you can tell what I’m feeling simply by looking at my reaction to a specific situation. Now, my reference to control here extends beyond my personal realm and into what happens around me.
I’m not referring to NLP or some kak like that, but what I learnt this year is that I can control my emotional state by reacting less emotionally and simply using my brain. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. Emotions have always gotten in the way of what I should be doing to deal with a situation – be it good or bad – and most of the time, my emotions have lead me to a place where I felt I had lost control. Of me. Of it. Of everything. Yeah sure…it’s good to let go, be spontaneous, be wild, be crazy…it’s all fine and dandy, but practising more control of the aspects around that spontaneity will be something I’m going to take more seriously next year.
Without further ado, whomever lands up reading this little spit ball, I’d like to thank you for reading my blog. I know I haven’t been the most disciplined blogger-person and even though I have written less in the last year in comparison to the previous 3 years, I think I’ve done my best to bring you up to speed relatively quickly. I’m writing another post that has been a few months in the making, on resolutions, no less – as every mediocre blogger-people-person does – for next year.
Maybe you’ll see it, maybe you won’t, until then…enjoy what’s left of 2012.