10 things I’ve never done

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking around what I’d like to achieve in my life. In conjunction with the pre-mentioned statement, I have also thought about what I have achieved thus far and the list my dear electorate is immense. As proud as I am of what I have been through and achieved, I still feel as though there are some insurmountable tasks that still lie ahead of me in not too distant future. Some of which I think are attainable. Some of which are not.

...I've never done.

There’s a very short list and there’s a very long list, most of it personal and maybe a little too personal to divulge in writing, but as for the rest of it I think I’ve done a pretty good job in telling you what I’d still like to master, overcome and achieve…here we go:

1.  I’ve never summited a mountain.

Yes, there’s a little Bear Grylls in me and that man beast is dying to get his hands on some ragged rock faces and plant a flag in the ground at some or other peak. I’m not saying I’m planning on doing Everest or anything like that, although that would be incredible – there, I said it…Everest. I’d like to climb guard damn Everest. I’d probably die trying, but hey…at least it has a hell of a view, right? Right?

2.  I’ve never gone faster than 300km/h.

I’m a bit of speed freak, actually, I’m a boy racer at heart and there was once a time when I could tell you the engine modifications of a car simply by looking under the bonnet or hearing a car rev passed. I know, geeky-South-side crew in the house! Kidding. But, I would still definitely like to go…faster.

3.  I’ve never had sex in a movie theatre.

Over share? Toughies. Well, I haven’t. Look, I’m not one for public displays of sexual acts, but I do like to get my freak on from time to time and there’s a lot to be said about keeping things spicy. Especially when it’s spontaneous. Still over sharing? Moving on.

4.  I’ve never surfed a day in my life.

Yeah, this is me being the outdoorsy kind of person again. Ask anyone who knows me, I love the ocean, but catching the elusive first barrel is something I have yet to explore. Part of me thinks it’s because I’ll be…like…fully addicted man and then there’s the other part of me that says I’ll probably look like an absolute toss.

5.  I’ve never ridden a motorbike.

Yes, it’s true. Wait, before you think this one is pathetic…let me rephrase, I’ve never been on a bike before. You know, like riding as a passenger and stuff, yah…never done that! Is that sad? I hear I’m seriously missing out and I am determined that by the age of 30 I will have a bike license.

6.  I’ve never had a drink with my father.

Not really that much to say here other than the fact that I have chosen to avoid mixing “business with business” so-to-speak. I look at friends of mine who’ve told me stories of them and their old man having a weekly beer at the pub down the road, it sounded good but could never relate.

7.  I’ve never been to Asia.

I have been privileged enough to travel the world quite extensively, but seem to have bypassed Asia for some or other reason. I hear I’m missing out. Thailand and India specifically…it’s next on the hit list, okay? Okay.

8.  I’ve never sold a drawing.

So, some of you may or may not know that I can draw. It’s true, there’s a little artist hiding inside of me and it’s been a while since I have taking the little bastard for a stroll. Look, I’m no Connor McCreedy nor will I ever be in the same realm as a William Kentridge, but I have talent and there’s a big part of me that regrets not pursuing it for one and two, at least having the mustard to keep at it. I will be revived.

9.  I’ve never invented anything.

Sounding a little far fetched? Well, it’s true. I would love to invent something…someday. Even if it is never mass produced to earn me millions of beer tickets, the idea of creating something functional to serve a moderately insignificant function would be incredible, I’m thinking; “The Gasmproducingseatwarmerthingymabob – For getting off, when you’re getting on!” Not bad, right?

10.  I’ve never said thank you to my mother the way she deserves.

This is not an over share nor is it overly personal, but the truth of the matter is, is that one day, I would like to give my mother the French Villa with a library she’s always wanted. Like me, she loves to read…actually, like her, I love to read, but she is the uber bookworm of note. I know that “a Villa in France” sounds like a monetary possession and maybe you’re right, but it’s what she deserves and one day I will make that dream of hers come true. I hope.

Frikking 10 man!

A lot of what you’ve read above might seem even more easily achieved than the insurmountable tasks I made the post out to divulge. Maybe you’re right, maybe of these are easily achievable, but to give you a little insight into myself…I never do things half measure, so if I’m going to mountain climb, it’s going to be Everest. If I’m going to be going 300km/h, I’m going to be doing it on my own bike, with a surfboard strapped to my back while having sex in a movie theatre while drinking with my father over Skype (maybe) from Japan after selling my first collection of charcoal drawings and wicked cool patents to a Japanese business man who needed a better solution for urinal cakes all the while being on the phone with my estate agent procuring a Villa in France for my Mash. Please, hold the applause.