|Everything and Nothing|
As most of you know, I’ve embarked on a project of self transformation and so far, everything has been going to plan. Upon deciding to take on the challenge of ‘Project 10’ – my journey, to experience the trials and tribulations of attempting to lose 10kgs this year – I didn’t take into account the fact that I am a…‘Best Man’ this year. Yes, I know…hard to believe that some one of the same sex, a friend, would regard me so highly as to bestow the honour of accompanying him through his last rights as a single penis.
Furthermore, the factors I never took into consideration before starting ‘Project 10’ were the following:
a.) The Bachelors
b.) The Wedding
Yes, somewhat of an oversight on my part and hence, my Moral Dilemma. So, my issue has presented itself like an over-weight, under-endowed streaker at a Blue Bulls game. The dilemma exists in that the one thing I have chosen to give up during ‘Project 10’ is alcohol, which unfortunately is a ‘main ingredient’ to said Bachelors and apparently a wedding. When I realised that these two events would be coinciding with ‘Project 10’, I immediately resigned to the fact that I was going to be drink, for both events but the more I think about it and the further I tumble down this rabbit hole, the more I’m beginning to become attached to my success throughout the process.
Not drinking hasn’t been as life altering as I thought it would be. If anything, eliminating the booze has simply undone a lot of the short falls that accompany drinking; spending copious amounts of money that inevitably you flush down a urinal, the post party Loser Complex Syndrome that usually brings about horrid flashbacks of body shots, random hook ups and dancing like a post dramatic Vietnam Vet on New Years. I’m happy to have let go of the pre-mentioned ‘perks’ and the fact that I don’t miss either of them reiterates my attachment to the success of ‘Project 10’.
So, again, the ‘Moral Dilemma’ rears its sniggering little head and says, “Hey, what’s up? You wana drink don’t? Yeah, you do…you wana drink! Yeeeah!!!” Okay, so maybe it isn’t as nasty or as peer-pressured as that, but the idea of having to drink for the two occasions is getting to me. I love my friend and I’m honoured to be his best man…so am I a bad person for not wanting to drink at a time when everyone is expected to be joyous and care-free? In other words, drunk and debaucherous! As weird as the concept sounds, I feel like I’m cheating on myself? Does that make sense? Does it sound pathetic? I feel pathetic for feeling this way. Besides, it’s just two nights…okay, 3, because his Bachelors is spread over 2 days of proposed weekend madness. So, 3 nights…3 nights out of 6 months! If it isn’t so bad, why do I feel like I’ll be posting a half mast at the victory ceremony?
Maybe I’m internalizing this too much and maybe I should just be going with the flow. If it’s only 3 nights out of 6 months, surely that’s better than most have done their entire lives? Surely it’s a greater victory if I stick to just those two events and maintain a steady course of ‘Project 10’ for the rest of the time that it’ll mean that I have achieved something? Maybe I’m taking this all to seriously and I should be lightening up on myself a little?
I mean, I have managed to come this far and I have made and incredible amount of progress over the short time I’ve been taking part in this journey.
So, where does my struggle then lie? With the idea of drinking? With the fact that I’m breaking my ‘Project 10’ pact? With the fact that this feels like I’m showing a lack of self-discipline?
If I drink, I’m weak-willed, if I refuse to drink I’ll be seen as a party-pooper (or wet-blanket if you like)…so where is the struggle?
Is it perception or personal control?
A Moral Dilemma…my over analysis or justified pre-regret?