|Everything and Nothing|
For the love of all things candy coated, I cannot actually tell the you the reason for this post, but recently I have rediscovered a darker side of me that I have not seen in a while. Now, before you go running off to the exorcist, my little dark side is not a destructive nor is it a hurtful, spiteful or detrimental-to-ones-health kind of dark side.
It’s the kind of dark side that had an affection for introspection, poetry writings, dark doodling and sketching, a love for macabre photography, art and literature. Okay, so we all have a dark side but I think once upon a time my darker side was more important to me than I realise. This darker side was productive – sure, maybe it stopped me smiling in photographs, but then again I don’t really smile in photo’s any way…and you’ll only see it if you really know me.
Back to the darkness – well, what can I tell you? Well, I’m reconnecting with some seriously old music that I thought I had left behind ages ago. Some that I could only recall in snippets of a music video I remember watching from the mid nineties. I know right? Bizarre, but beautiful at the same time. Yes, I used the work beautiful and dark in the same paragraph –
I find security in the darkness. I find security in knowing that sadness or the bottom is as far as things can possibly tumble and fall. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy, professionally things could not be better – okay, they can, but give me a couple of years for that dream to come to fruition, but things are great. I think it’s a re-adoption of a darker mindset and approach that has brought about this rediscovery and you know what…it feels good, really good. There are no pretenses, no expectations and no possibly way of letting someone in who has the potential to hurt, deceive or make you feel vulnerable. I’m tired of feeling that way and maybe this is my defense mechanism? Maybe this is just a front, but it feels darn good knowing that I’m impenetrable is the most reassurance that I’ve had in a long time.