|Everything and Nothing|
(WARNING: This post is filled with so much of rage…but couldn’t help but laugh at myself after reading it…! Hope you do too!)
I set out writing this post last week Friday and it has been somewhat of an inner turmoil for me because I’m a generally moody/grumpy/old-before-my-time/Clint-Eastwood-from-Gran-Torino kind of guy…all the time…don’t ask, it’s just my way about things…and because of my ‘ways’, I struggled with really putting my moody-little-finger on what truly bugged me…wait…it’s stronger than that, despised…wait…stronger…hated…wait…more focused…LOATHED!!!
Getting right into it, please take into consideration that some, possibly all of these loathed items may seem strange to you, but these are the small insignificant everyday niggles that haunt my every move…just deal with it…
1. People that chew with their mouth open!
Holy sh*tballs…!!! It really is enough for me to reach across the table and force-feed them through a straw, simultaneously kicking them in their nether-regions! I know…sounds harsh huh? Well, it is…I cannot stand it…! My tolerance has actually gotten much better over the years, before I used to stand up, walk (sometimes) 20 meters away to tell someone to close their mouths while they’re eating…! It gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it…*vom*
2. People that pull “gang signs” in photographs!
This has got to be one of my all time loathes…! Jeez! Getting worked up about it already…even writing this is not making me any calmer…! I honestly cannot trace it back to it’s source, as in, who was the first to pull that stupid back-handed ‘peace-sign’ (which I love by-the-by – I think the ‘peace sign’ is a perfectly acceptable hand signal to pull for a photograph), but the back-hand one…F@*K ME…I loathe…! If I knew who the first person to pull that stupid hand signal was, I’d invent a time machine, go back in time to find that idiot and cut off their fingers with a rusty screwdriver! (Now try pulling that hand signal ‘STUMPY’!!!)
3. The Icecream Truck and your stupid song…!
This goes back to my childhood, which was less than unfortunate. In my adult years, I have the least sweet tooth out of anyone I know and I’m pretty sure it has to do with the fact that I was denied – NOT on purpose – the sweet-sweet goodness by the Icecream man…! I used to live in the South of Johannesburg, in one of the most awkwardly situated streets (as I remember correctly) which made it hard for anyone to enter and exit – it was at a road-ending that was supposed to be extended over the hill where we lived and it never was, so on the map, it looked like a dead end – SO, the Icecream man NEVER bothered coming – BUT – it never stopped him from torturing me with his music did it? NOOOOOOOOO…he just kept playing it and playing it until it faded away, each and everyday, into the distance…! My blood boils when I hear that sound today…*bastard*
4. Popped Collars…F@*K!!!
This is to all the douchebags out there (yes – I’m laying down the challenge) who wear their shirts, with their collars…popped, to explain to me, what is beneficial – style-orientated or practical – about wearing your collar…popped…?!!? I’m dying to know! And for something as simple as flipping your collar up, if you do not have a legitimate reason in the first 3 seconds of my challenge, then you sir…are a DOUCHEBAG…a Bag-O-Douche…a Douche-de-la-Bag…! (This point is completely self-explanatory…)
5. People that take photo’s…like this…!
Okay…so, maybe, once or twice I have fallen victim to a lovely lady or two taking a photograph of myself and her as she points and holds with an outstretched arm…I admit it…but not a F@*K will I ever be caught dead taking a photograph with my friends like that…! For one, it looks extremely feminine when a guy is doing it and secondly, why are you taking photographs anyway…? Girls take photographs buddy…so put your Cybershot away please…*thank you* – I loathe these people…
So hopefully this has given you a little more insight into what you shouldn’t do around me – I’m just kidding – I’m an openly opinionated person who pretty much has one on everything, but just chooses not to say anything…most of the time…and the other 5% of that time, I speak up…and this was just one of those occasions.
*Everything time I read the word ‘loathe‘, my brain sees ‘loofah‘*Don’t know why…*