|Everything and Nothing|
A couple of weeks ago I had decided to change things a little – or – accept change as it may. Yes, change…supposedly it does some good (so said that skinny singer chickie who was married to Lance Armstrong – her name eludes me – I kid the Crow fans) and that good seems to have readjusted my perception on my own life more than anything else.
Now, I haven’t “found G-d” nor have I decided to finally pick up yoga, but what I have realised is that…
Now, I know that might sound kinda strange coming from a guy who’s only 26 (yes…I know…I know…) but it’s true, I feel older. I wrote a post on the 9th of last month, concreting my name in the history books for writing a blog post on my actual birthday – so choice – and in that very post I proclaimed that “I didn’t necessarily feel older“, which I truly didn’t, but over the last couple of weeks…be it emotionally or (dare I say) ‘physically‘, I feel older. I can’t put my finger on the exact set of emotions, moments or change that has contributed to this feeling of change, but it’s there – no in the way that it impedes on my lifestyle in anyway – but it’s like this little reminder, like a tiny little ‘troll’ that sits on my shoulder speaking words of random – sometimes wise – sometimes extremely aged – but words of reason nevertheless.
The other night I went out for drinks with a friend of mine, ‘partying it up’ we slowly but surely get into the sociable mood and start chatting to members of the opposite sex. Now, what I notice immediately is my confidence is quite high this particular evening and the quick and humorous banter flows forth with ease and I appear to be getting a better response than my ‘team mate’ who unfortunately is doing more drinking than talking – so what do I do – I drink less – not more – LESS – but…
Why did I hold back?
Why did I restrain myself?
Why ‘oh’ why?
Because that stoooopid little troll said,
“Hey boetie, that oke looks like an idiot and is going to feel lekker kak tomorrow – right now – focus on the bint – drink slow – go home early and you’ll feel even more lekker tomorrow…”
Yah…I almost *gasp* at myself when I think that over in my head! Now, a couple of years ago, I would have thought ‘slotting them away’ would have been a better idea, no? More alcohol = more confidence? Well, no…doesn’t seem like it works that way for me and for some odd reason…I listened…it’s as though the trolls words were as penetrative as the narration from Morgan Freeman in “Shawshank Redemption” — YAH…you know you listen up when he opened his mouth —
Moving on and getting back to the underlying issue of ‘age’ here – I have found myself in more than one occasion (such as the above) since my birthday! I know…scary…or maybe it’s just a change in approach – or maybe maturity – or maybe my testicles have finally dropped (10 points for the over share)…either way, things have changed…*egh*…maybe change is too strong of a word…how about a sense ‘progression’, or ‘transition’, ‘development’ – whatever it is…it’s different…and most of the time, different is good…